Hi Mom

I had a dream about you last weekend at the cabin.  I lived in my house in CA and the mail lady delivered my mail up two streets.  I got in my car and drove over there and the mailbox was the type with a big hinged door like Post Offices have.  When I opened it up, the mailbox was full of presents from you.  You know how you did, wrrapped up every little thing you could find in cheap, ugly paper and then write our names on the scraps, on  the white side, and tape them to the present. 

One said "Brenda Bear", (I have no idea where that came from), another said "JR", another said "Pam" written in your hand writing with the cursive P like you did. 

The woman who lived in the house came out and was helping me with the presents and she said, "Oooh, this is ruined, I'll throw it out."  I glanced down and it was a letter written from you on white lined paper in black ink.  It had a few holes like it had been dragged across something rough.  I grabbed the note from the woman and said, "NO!  You can't!  She's dying!!!"  And when I looked up, she was you.  And we hugged and I could feel you.

I woke up crying.  Hating and loving the dream at the same time.  Days later, I still don't think I'm completely back to normal.

The hard thing is I think I am doing fine dealing with losing you day to day and then I will have a dream like this. All of these feelings of loss come rushing back and I am consumed by sadness all over again.  But seeing you is incredible, so please don't stop doing whatever you are doing if you are the one doing it.  We all miss you so much, Mom.  We really do.