Child Care Woes

If you come to me looking for childcare and I try to work with you, try to make it fair and offer payment options and you keep looking for care somewhere else and not giving me an answer or even respond to my questions or friend request, if my rates aren't in your budget, but you ask me for later times and different scenarios and I try to appease you, but you still don't confirm, PLEASE don't string me along making me think I will be watching your baby.  I get excited, I get my hopes up, I start to think of the possibility of another baby joining us and when you finally do get around to tell me no, then I am in this funk like a mild form of miscarriage and it is upsetting. 

If you feel I am too expensive, even after trying to help you, have the courtesy to let me know.  If you feel a gym membership or a new car or eating out or whatever it is you do with your money is more important than good quality care for your baby, the most important person in your life, tell me and move on down the line.  You are wasting my time.

This was at the bottom of the last blog post.  I am putting it in here because this is how I feel.  And it's MY blog.  LOL

Child Care

I love babysitting.  I love caring for babies and seeing them happy, healthy, and content.  I was born to do this.  As a little girl, all I wanted was to be a Mommy.   I started babysitting at 12 years old, had my first child at 19 and at 47 years am still surrounding myself with babies. It's what I do.

I have to admit I have OCD tendencies.  I love making my daily lists of what everyone has done so the parents have no question about their babies day.   Every problem has a solution and every day has a basic structure and I love this. I feel accomplished, rewarded, loved and busy.  I love being busy.  I took 6 months off after I sold my bookstore and thought I was going to lose my mind.

I do have routine hang ups.  I want you here when you say in the morning, I want pick-up at the time you stated unless I am told ahead of time.  I want consistency, even if you have a fluctuating schedule, but most of all I want to know what to expect.

I believe what a person eats or drinks is a huge part of what makes a person healthy or ill.  It might not show up right away, maybe even 10 years down the line, but the quality of the food and water is so important.  I buy primarily organic, grow some of our own food and try to only eat meats that are humanely raised and hormone free.  I limit sweets, cook from scratch the majority of the time and blah, blah, blah. 

We eat healthy over here and it shows.  Sickness is almost non-existent and when they do catch a little cold, it is over quickly.  These are little people who have almost no say in what we feed them, they are counting on us to keep them healthy.  I LOVE feeding them 5 or 6 servings of fruits and veggies and seeing them thrive.  I just love it.  I care.

I do other little things, too.  I abhor plastic use in the microwave, I don't use antibacterial hand soaps to mess up their little endocrine systems, there are childproof latches and plugs all over my house, gates on the stairs, everyone has their own wash cloth and changing area, we don't share cups, we all have our own sleeping area and we keep to a routine.

I  feel babies need exercise and outside play.  There's something to be said for Vitamin D and fresh air and the opportunity to run crazy.  I need it, too. And if they didn't have a jacket that day and it was chilly, it's OK, I have spares for them to use.

I even like the toys and equipment..  I think nothing of buying climbing toys for the backyard, riding toys, puzzles, stacking toys, new cups, plates, bibs, blankets, playpens, high chairs, bouncers, swings, you name it.  They want to be busy, too.

I potty train, kiss their owies, scold them when they are misbehaving, teach them how to use a cup and utensils, worry when they aren't feeling well or having trouble with something, give them hugs and kisses and tickles, sing and dance with them, fix their hair, wash their faces and even wash their clothes sometimes.

You know, I act like a Mom. I treat them like I would want my children treated if I were needing child care.  

And I love them.

My rates are comparable to day cares out there, it might be a little higher than some, a little lower than others, but it's a fair rate. I'll try to work with you if your hours aren't 9-5 Mon-Fri, but I charge what I charge.  And frankly, I am worth it.  Not only am I responsible, but I love what I do.  I honestly love it and it shows in their happiness.  And the joy these kids give me is immeasurable.  They fill my heart.

I guess that's all.  lol  Now I feel like an ad, without the whining at the end. 

Sometimes...

a person is better off being alone. 

2013 Blows

I don't know if I'll be able to truly relate the emotions I am feeling, have been feeling this past year.  I will try, but so much has happened, it is a bit overwhelming. 

Starting back in Nov of 2012, my older sister and I got in a huge argument over me expecting 5 of her family for Thanksgiving dinner.  4 showed up, and 3 left right before dinner was served to go to a deer lease.  Long drawn out ordeal, but it was ugly and it is much better now, but there are residual effects.  I was feeling used, a bit put out, unappreciated, you know, I felt like crap. I said things I should have kept to myself, but I wanted her to feel like crap, too.  And it worked.  Great.  Mission accomplished, now everyone feels like crap. I'm so proud.

Then my rabbit died.  I have 3 Mini Lops and the oldest one, 8 years old, died.  Not huge, but enough to cause pause.  The rabbits are outside animals, mainly for their composting magic they perform, but still.  :(

Then we put Hooter down, my 13 yr old cat that was pooping all over the house.  I tried a zillion different things, but she would NOT stop and I was pulling my hair out trying methods, products, etc., things to get her to stop and it was so gross.  She would go under my bed and I would have to crawl under there and clean it up and I was just so over it.  Sadness..   

In March my Mom died.  I didn't have a close relationship with my Mom, by her choice.  I tried, all of my sisters did, but she wasn't someone that accepted love easily.  I knew she was sick for awhile before she passed and I mistakenly didn't think it would rock me all that much. But it did.  And I miss her.  And so many things remind me of her and there is so much I want to say to her and I feel so sick inside. It doesn't stop...

Then my Father's sister died of the same cancer that took my Mom.  I met her about 6 years ago after my Dad died from heart failure and we immediately formed a close bond.  I looked up to her, thought she was amazing, kept in close contact with her via email and facebook for most of the 6 years.  She is missed, a unique individual, so interesting.  I'm not conveying this well.

Then my 11 year old dog started failing.  Congenital heart disease.  She could barely breathe, had swollen limbs, her appetite was suppressed.  When she turned her head away from a bone I offered, I knew it was time.  She wasn't my favorite, always a bit stubborn and listened when she felt like it, but she had been a part of the family for so many years and not having her here leaves an empty hole.

Now my younger sister and I are fighting. I planned a trip home for my Grandma's 92nd birthday and to sort through my Mom's things.  I also had talked to my step-brother when I was home last about spending a night at their super cool cabin.  For months we have been talking about us sisters doing this stuff.   

Today my sister tells me she is bringing her 9 yr old daughter.  I was like, "Woe.  I thought this was an adult vacation"  Drinks, sadness, cabin, drinks... Throw a child into the works now we have schedules and bedtimes and limits.  I had done this for many years with my 3 girls, care for children all year long, I want freedom from this.   

My sister blows a gasket.  I am evil, how dare I not want her daughter there.  Stop texting me!  We will stay as far away from you as possible!  We won't stay where you stay!  I was like, "HEY!  You never even told me she might come, I have been thinking this was an adult thing. This is a different sort of vacation now."

All hell breaks loose.  Once again, I am the bad guy.  She has unlimited vacation anytime, I have a tight vacation schedule, she said, "Why should I change my ticket?"  I'm like, "What?  I have very little time I can do this." I am NOT going on a vacation full of stress and bad feelings.  I will not. 

Did I mention this year SUCKS???

I need it to fly by, even though that means I will be older. 

I have always hated the number 13...

   

Self-sufficiency is Where it's At

I know, bizarre, right?  2 posts in one day.  I figured I needed to get out of this "waiting" mode I was in with selling the house and keep moving forward with my life.

Late afternoon yesterday, I went out in the garden and saw this mess:

I have to admit, I have neglected the garden horribly since we put the house up for sale and then some.  I started cleaning up some of the weeds, hoping to put a dent in it and ended up with a row down one side that was cleaned out.  I covered this area with grass clippings until I could figure out what I wanted to do.

The problem with the garden is there are no borders, the grass just comes on in and every time you turn your back, there is the huge chore of weeding to do.  This is not the first time the garden has looked like this.  So I started thinking about raised beds and I made a diagram of my garden with the dimension of boxes I would like and where I would like them.  I was going to go out again today and clear more of the grass/weeds away in preparation for the raised beds, but it's raining, so it will have to wait.

I love everything about self-sufficiency.  I pull a carrot from the ground, feed the rabbits the greens, carry the vegetable inside to prepare for supper and I am filled with a sense of accomplishment that few things can compare.  So I have decided to make self-sufficiency my priority.  It makes me happy, why not?!? 

I saved broccoli seeds from last years plants and while watching TV, will mindlessly free the tiny seeds from the pods.  It takes forever, but saves me from shoving food down my throat while I sit like a zombie watching whatever show that is on. (This week it is Dexter).

The end results looks like this:

:I plan to plant some of the seed for this years broccoli, but I am also going to sprout a bunch for us to eat on salads and sandwiches.  I have a small sprouter I use that I cover with a paper bag from a bottle of wine because the sprouts prefer the dark until right before you are ready to eat them.

 In approximately 4 days, they should be ready to eat after multiple rinses with fresh water.

I also pulled a bag of pecans out of the freezer that I have saved for over 5 years. There are multiple bags in the freezer, but we have never taken the time to shell them.  I had vacuum sealed the pecans after picking them from a tree on acreage we had before Giddings.

I put The Waltons on, grabbed my pecan clippers and started shelling them.  JR was walking in and out from the garage where he was reloading bullets and he grabbed a cracker we had and started shelling them, too.  It went much faster.  After 1 show, we were finished with the small bag.

I steamed the nuts for 10 min with filtered water, mixed them with sugar, cinnamon and a pinch of salt and then baked them for about 8 minutes in the oven at 400 degrees.  Talk about good!

Besides eating them by the handful, they are excellent on a salad with thinly sliced apples, feta cheese, dried cranberries, spinach and lettuce.  JR almost swooned when he tasted the finished product.  I told him I would make more if he would get cracking.  :)

The water from steaming the pecans cooled and my outside hanging flowers got a little treat.

I'm taking a little break now, drinking some chai tea with honey from when JR had bees and enjoying my life, enjoying today's productivity even with the rain and enjoying the fact that I have a choice to do what makes me happy.

Until next time,
Pam
 

Maybe, Maybe Not

Our house has been on the market 7 weeks with 18 showings.  The majority of the people "loooooove it", but wish it were a little bigger.  Um, why are you looking at a 2000 sq ft house if you want a bigger one?  I find this whole process incredibly frustrating and not just a little bit offensive. And why does everyone leave the attic door open upstairs?  What the heck?!?  I have 3 cats who don't need to explore the attic and a house I would like to keep under 90 degrees, thank you very much.

Maybe now isn't the right time to sell.

I look around at what we have, what we have done and what we could do and we don't need anything more than this.  The house is big enough for us, the yard is the perfect size for growing fruit trees and having a large garden or two. There is plenty of room for my menagerie of animals and a shed. The field out back that leads to the creek is the perfect place to walk the dogs without bothering anyone and if we ever felt the desire, we have a boat ramp at the end of the street to use with jet skis, kayaks, or a boat.

Granted, I would like more space around us.  As much as I am social, I am also private and the neighbors peering into our backyard and dogs barking at us every time we step outside gets old.  A wooden fence would fix this, for the most part. Although, when JR travels overseas for work, I have a street full of people who I trust and would help me if the need be and this is a comforting feeling.

And as much as we prefer the country, we like the convenience of the city and all it has to offer.  We have a choice of Doctors and stores, hospitals and entertainment and don't forget restaurants.  The girls have friends here and will come back to see us more because of this, not to mention return in the summers for the coaching job or other connections from their past.

The home in Brenham we are interested in sits on larger property in a much less populated area.  It is prettier there with rolling hills and a lot more country.  The home also needs a lot of work including foundation repair, new windows, a fence and just about every bathroom ripped out and redone.  Just thinking about the bathtubs makes my skin crawl.

Financially, it makes more sense to stay here with a home almost completely remodeled besides flooring and our bathroom and most everything a want, not a necessity.  I can also watch a child or two here with a slew of references which not only keeps me busy, but fills my heart.

We still have acreage in Giddings when we want a country break.  Property that will be paid off in a few years.  We could have a shell home built and take our time choosing the inside features as money became available and maybe one day live there after retirement if we liked.  We could actually move there and then sell this house without caring if someone left the attic door open or didn't show for an appointment after waiting in a car with 3 dogs in 100 degree weather for an hour.

I could actually lean both ways and tell you every good thing about moving and every reason why not to stay here, but sometimes it makes more sense to be happy with what you have rather thn always wanting something else.

So, maybe we'll stay here.

Or maybe not.    

    

My love

I have a shepherd mix dog named Dexter who is just over a year old.  From the first moment I saw him at the shelter, I loved him.  He was black and tan and bouncy as all get up.  When I walked past his cage, he whined and I stopped to pet him through the small chain link fence, thinking, "What an awesome dog!"  I continued on my way, checking out the other cages to the sound of him whining for me to come back and play.  They had named him Colby, but he looked like a Dexter to me.

I got him.  And he got sick.  They all do.  It is probably the stress and the new shots and the mess of it all, but I contacted a woman I knew from fostering cats at my old bookstore. She practically runs the foster program at the shelter and gives so much of herself.  She shames me with her giving.  

She helped me get Dexter well with medicines and her abundant knowledge and before long he was good as new..  He was sassy, but a good boy.  A teeny standoffish at times, but it was preferable to a dog that trailed everywhere I did, always underfoot, tripping me up when I was in a hurry.

I worked with him on tricks and leash walking and basically behaving himself and he did great.  He loved everyone and other animals, and that was a good thing because I have a few animals around this house.

Fast forward to about a month ago, approximately a year after we got him. Dexter was in the backyard by our grill and he was drooling a long line of drool out of his mouth.  I yelled at JR to check to see he hadn't gotten into anything.  Dexter came inside and a little while later started yelping.  My heart almost stopped as I ran over to him trying to get up off the floor.  It was like his back end was too heavy and he was struggling to stand.  I thought it might be his back and gave him a Deramaxx anti-inflammatory/pain pill that was left over from our other dogs surgery on his leg.  The next day he seemed fine.  A little stiff, but almost as good as new.

And the pattern starts.  Good days, bad days.  We thought he was getting better then he would get worse and we made an appointment, then cancelled because he would improve and finally JR brought him in to see the vet.  Not my favorite vet, the other vet at the clinic we go to.  She's OK, but I love the regular vet.

It is hard to find a vet that understands that you are dealing with a DOG.  A definite member of your family that you love, that you don't want to suffer, that you want better, but you realize is a DOG.  There is a limit to the things I will do to make them better.  This fact may shock you, but there are zillions more dogs out there that need homes, that are perfectly perfect and that are being put down everyday because of space issues at shelters.  I have my limit. Even if it hurts me.

The other vet, not MY vet, ran a full blood panel on Dexter and after commenting how swollen all his joints were, the worst she had ever seen, prescribed amoxicillin and told us to give it to him until she contacted us with the blood results.  The results were inconclusive.  No disease detected, no toxicity and no change from the amoxicillin either.  She referred us to a specialist.

Off JR went to the specialist because I am watching two babies and couldn't very well take off days because of my dog. After looking at Dexter, the specialist guessed he might have an auto-immune disease. The specialist wanted to do a joint tap which would require putting Dexter under and drawing fluid from his joints, and he also wanted to take an x-ray of his hips to see what the problem was.

The tune of these two tests was $800.  This doesn't count the $100 for the office visit or the money spent at our vet.. The specialist Dr. was rude and didn't have time to answer questions and as JR is telling me things through texts and the phone, I am firing questions at him to ask. After a short time the Dr leaves the room and sends in a technician who is running back and forth to the Dr with JR's/my questions. JR never did see the Dr. again. 

What JR got from this visit was no matter what Dexter's problem was, he was going to be put on steroids.  I told him to ask the Dr to do the x-ray to check the damage and to skip the joint tap for now. Besides the monetary concern, Dexter wasn't doing very well and the thought of putting him under and through more painful procedures didn't seem wise to me. The Dr. said no.  His way or the highway, obviously.

JR brought Dexter home and we spoke with our vet asking if they could prescribe prednisone for Dexter since that was what he was going to have no matter.  The vet was off, so they had to call back the following day with our answer.  They said to keep giving the amoxicillin and Deramaxx while we were waiting.

Supposedly if you give a dog steroids/prednisone when they might possibly have a different problem, it can kill them.  The immune system is going hay wire, trying to fight whatever the problem is and basically the steroids turn the immune system off to stop attacking the body.  If you turn the immune system off with the steroids and it isn't an auto-immune problem, whatever is attacking the body will have free reign to take over.

Oh.

We made an appointment to go back to the specialist for the expensive joint tap, so they could see what the problem was.  That very day we were scheduled for the procedure, Dexter woke up with no swollen joints.

We cancelled the appointment and I got back on the computer.  Researching, researching, trying to figure out from other's experiences what was wrong with my dog. I thought it might be auto-immune, but some of the things weren't adding up.  And then I came across a description of Lyme disease.  It was too perfect.

I called our vet's office, who was sick of us, I know.  We weren't conforming to their plan and it was a pain in the ass.  I asked them if they had done a test for Lyme disease and the answer was no.  They didn't have the capabilities for that there.  We could be referred back to the specialist for a Lyme test.  But Lyme disease was tricky, sometimes the bacteria hid and it was difficult to diagnose because it masqueraded as so many other illnesses.  Sometimes the test results came back negative, even when they weren't.

The drug to treat Lyme disease is Doxycycline #1 or Amoxicillin #2. It is not overly harmful to the dog and compared to steroids and other drugs, was relatively safe.  My vet said they would not prescribe the drug unless they had a test result saying Dexter had Lyme. I understood.  Lawsuits, freakin sue happy people, whatever...

I searched for the drug online and found I could buy Doxycycline as a bird biotic, same exact medicine, just a different label, so I bought some and reasearched myself blue in the face.  To treat Lyme, you have to hit the dog hard with the meds; 10mg per kg of body weight, which equaled 3 pills twice a day for 6-8 weeks.

It had already been 2 weeks on a low dose of amoxicillin.  Enough to ward off the swelling in Dexter's joints apparently, but not enough to knock it out of his system.  He was still having problems getting up from the down position, was lethargic, depressed, wasn't eating right, and generally didn't feel well.  

I got the meds and started Dexter on them after a day of no amoxicillin or pain meds.  I was afraid that too many drugs would hurt him, but have read since that it would have been OK

JR left for Canada for work and when he returned a week later he said he could see a remarkable improvement in Dexter.  He still had trouble getting up from down, still slept a lot, still wasn't eating right, but he had more spring in his step and acted like he felt a little better.

So this is where we are.

I wake up and give Dexter 3 Doxycycline with peanut butter, the only way he will take pills.  I then try to get him to eat something so he has food in his stomach.  He has been resisting my homemade food because I had bought an organic vitamin powdered supplement with glucosamine in it, was mixing it in his food and he absolutely hated it. He thought every time I was feeding him I was poisoning him, I think. I switched to a soft chew vitamin with glucosamine and chondroiton to help his joints and now give the over priced powdered vitamin to our other dog, Remy. Now Dexter won't eat my food, so I had to buy wheat, soy, corn, etc., free canned food at the store.

After trying to get him to eat and giving him his joint pill; I give him a milk thistle capsule to protect his liver from the drugs, then I take him for a 30 min walk.  Supposedly the doxycycline pills will cause ulcerations if they sit in the stomach or esophagus, so to prevent this, you walk them.

I leave him alone for 2 hours and then give him organic unflavored yogurt to get some probiotics in his system. I am thinking of ordering a chewable probiotic, but haven't yet.

Around dinner time is when he gets his anti-inflammatory pain pill Deramaxx.  I'm not sure what I will give him when these run out, but there is a huge difference in his demeanor when it is nearing 24 hours since his last pill.  He needs them.  I'm a little worried.  I highly doubt the vet will give us anymore and I looked online and besides aspirin, which has tons of bad effects on dogs, there isn't anything over the counter I can give him  for pain and anti-inflammatory properties that I know of.

When it has been 12 hours since the morning pills of doxycycline, I repeat the process, giving him 3 doxycycline, dinner and a walk.

Today I researched the glucosamine more and will start tripling his dose to help repair his joints.  My feelings is the Lyme disease was attacking his joints and caused damage, damage that can't be fixed by doxycycline.  So what we need to do is try to fix the damage with the glucosamine and choindroiton.  I ordered a huge bucket of chewables online which I will start giving him in the morning and evening. Maybe this will prevent him from needing the pain pill eventually?  I can only hope.

What makes this difficult is Dexter is very finicky. He has never eaten a treat without dropping it out of his mouth and smelling it first. He will walk away more times than not if it isn't exactly to his specifications.  To give him  pills is not easy.  I bought pill pockets and he eats around the pill, I can wrap them in Velveeta and he spits it out, I smother them in peanut butter and he licks all the peanut butter off.  Some mornings I wake up to give him his medications and actually start crying because I am so frustrated by him spitting the pills out.  My other dogs would eat a pill out of my hand and be happy about it.  

So there you have it.  I have been busy.  And tired.  And worried.  And hopeful.  And sad.  And frustrated.  And angry.  And loving.  I love my dog.       .     .      

I bet you thought I was going to write something romantic...

Digging in the Dirt in December

Earlier this week I was digging around in the pantry and found a bunch of tiny red potatoes from last years garden sprouting away.  I took a quick look at my gardening calendar and even tho it said January 03 was the optimum date for planting, after I looked at the weather forecast and didn't see any freezes predicted anytime soon, I headed outside. 

I started pulling out weeds, some form of grass with runners that reach straight to hell.  You pull and pull and it breaks and you find another section and pull, it never ends. I yanked out my jalapeno plants, talk about hot.  We couldn't even eat them, so out they go.

I trimmed my bell pepper plants, hoping they will make it through until warmer weather hits.  The second year on peppers is always amazing, so my fingers are crossed.  I weeded their area and mulched with leaves from the yard before moving on to the green beans. 

All of the green bean plants had died in the last freeze.  I pulled them out, chopping them up fine to throw under the rabbit cage to compost.  I weeded this area, too.  My plan was to put the potatoes here, but I watched the sun and the area was shady.  Maybe it's the time of year because I don't remember that row being in the shade before.  I collected more leaves off the lawn and mulched the bean row heavily until the sun decided to warm that soil again.

I pulled out the droopy, dead squash plants and chopped them to join the beans in the compost pile.  I returned to weed some more, pulling up dead basil, dead cantaloupe plants, a dead peanut plant that had given me one peanut and then I trimmed off the dead branches on the blueberry bushes.  The term bush is used loosely here.  The blueberry bushes look like someone took a skinny stick and stuck it in the dirt, but I am still hoping they will come around. 

I stepped back to see where I could plant the potatoes and chose the old squash site.  I dug an 8 inch deep 4 ft square, squishing the white slug worm things that love my garden. They actually do a wonderful job in the compost pile chewing up the refuse and creating beautiful rich dark dirt, but don't belong in with the vegetables.  The slugs don't know the difference between compost and plant, so for now they get squished when I see them.  If I had chickens, they would absolutely love me, but that isn't going to happen until we get our wooden fence.

As I was digging in the dirt, I was so happy to see how rich it looked and such a  perfect texture.  If it weren't for periodically touching the slug things, I would have been in heaven.  They really are disgusting.

I planted the potato pieces, eyes up, covered them with some dirt and called it a day.  The garden looks so much better now.  I need to get my carrots planted sometime this week and possibly garlic, too.  My broccoli is growing like gang busters.  I've harvested a few heads, nothing as big as the grocery store, but they are decent sized.  I'm not sure about the peas, they are looking weird, but I'll keep my eye on them.

How wonderful to garden in December, digging in the dirt, feeling the sun warm your back.  This is the life. 

Benefiting from Being Frugal

One of the easiest ways for us to save money is by eating at home.

I like cooking and baking.  I love trying new recipes.  I feel we are eating healthier than we would eating out and  I ADORE picking food from the garden and using it in our evening meals. 

One of the first things I think about in the day is what we will have for dinner.  I need to pull out the meat, if we're having meat, and I like to chop up things that might be used that evening.  This does two things, it convinces me that we are staying home for dinner and it is less work for me later when I might have a lower energy level.

Last night I made Tex Mex Pizza:

It is extremely easy, but good for you and tasty, too!

The crust is a whole wheat tortilla, the sauce is picante sauce, the chicken is chicken I took from a roasted chicken we had earlier in the week, the green peppers are from the garden, and there are mushrooms and cheddar cheese as additional toppings.  You could probably add onions and whatever else you wanted to throw on there as well.

We also ate freezer cucumbers from my garden and left over cole slaw from earlier in the week.

It makes me feel accomplished when I make a meal we like and actually enjoy.  If it is the only thing I accomplish in a day, that's OK.

The other night I made vegetarian lasagna for the first time.  I was a little frightened because JR is definitely a meat eater and even tho the recipe looked good, you just never know.  Broccoli, squash, tomatoes, mushrooms, cheeses, etc. layered between whole wheat lasagna noodles.  It WAS good and chocked full of vegetables.

Tonight I'm making San Antonio Skillet with turkey sausage, ranch beans, brown rice, diced tomatoes, and salsa. We're having a veggie side made with peas, green beans, corn, onions, different colored peppers, celery, and dill with a vinegar, oil, sugar dressing.  I had a little taste and it is great.

Staying home lets me cook the way I want to for my family.  It takes a lot of thought and planning to have a dinner on the table every night that tastes good and is good for us.

I don't have many material wants in life.  I have a desire for a simple lifestyle, don't enjoy shopping or have a desire to wear the latest fashions.   I don't have much jewelry to speak of and rarely get my hair trimmed or have my nails done.  I prefer walking outside to going to a gym and  I am all about buying used and keeping it simple.  We down-sized our home when the girls started leaving and I am perfectly content to be in a much smaller place.  I try to de-clutter on a regular basis and besides books, have kept most things under control.   We keep our AC high and our heat low, we open windows when there's an opportunity and JR does our own lawn care.  I clean our house and he washes our cars and we are more fit because of it.

This is not right for everyone.

We have a piece of property in the country with a camper and electricity and that's it.  We will wait until we have the money to build something more substantial and this might take some time, but that's OK.  What we have here is good.

I know I said in an earlier post that we had decided to move out to Giddings, but we have rethought our plans.  Everything I want to do in the country, I can do here.  I can have a big garden (we have a 1/2 acre) and small animals. (I never wanted anything bigger than a goat and goats aren't really my thing.)  I have a large field behind my house and a large creek at the end of our street.  There is a hawk that flies by every morning when I'm on my walk.  How cool is that?

I also have convenience, resources and modern technology and neighbors who know me.  JR travels quite often and thinking about being in the country where there are wild pigs and who knows what else by myself doesn't trip my trigger.  What if something happened to him or me?  We would have to travel an hour away everytime we wanted to see a Dr.

I don't want to get rid of the property in Giddings, I do love it.  I feel at total peace when we go there.  We walk and play and I read and lolly gag.  Some day to have a small cabin would be terrific, but we don't need that yet, we have plenty to do here at this house without having to worry about another dwelling.   

I can stay home because of this.

I babysit Tyson because I want to.  I wanted to have structure to my days and time limits.  I wanted to play with a baby and see him smile and laugh and grow to trust me.  I wanted to feel needed.  He does this for me.  I am looking for one more baby or young child to watch because Tyson and I are totally comfortable with each other now and another child will be even more fun.  I used to care for multiple children at once and really enjoyed it, but think a smaller number is better for me now.

Anyway, being frugal gives me the choices I have to do what feels right for me and for my family.  Eating healthy, enjoying the fresh sunshine, sharing love with a baby, it is all right.  It works for me.

My heart hurts

Not knowing is killing me. 

Is he OK? 

Dexter got out this morning and hasn't come home yet.  It's been approximately 9 hours.

Did someone see him and are keeping him somewhere safe until tomorrow when they can contact the vet on his tag???

I left the gate open last night.  We had gone for a walk and he wasn't on a leash.  He decided to cut around to the front of the house instead of going in the back gate.  I brought the dogs in the front, completely forgetting about the open back.  We were inside together all night.

He has a dog door to use as he pleases, but didn't realize the back gate was open until this morning, I think.

Did he go in the woods?  Did something hurt him?

Texas is in a drought.  Like the worst drought ever, but today it is thundering and pouring and pouring some more and my dog is out in this.  I have gone out on foot multiple times, thinking maybe I would see him.  I got in the car and drove and Tressa did, too, but nothing.

He has gone out before, but he always comes back shortly, this isn't like him at all.

Did he get hit by a car?

I called the animal emergency clinic and they hadn't seen him, but they have my number in case someone calls in or brings him there. I also called my vet and left a number where they could reach me if someone calls their number from his tag tomorrow.

I almost walked them first this morning.  I was lying in bed thinking about working out, listening to the rain.  I considered walking the dogs first, but it's always hard for me to come back inside and start working out, so I decided to work out first.  I already had water next to my bed, so I didn't need to go in the kitchen where Dexter typically sleeps.  I thought about closing the dog door because of the rain, but it wasn't raining too hard, so I decided not to.

If I had walked them first, maybe I would have caught him before he noticed the gate.  If I had shut the dog door, maybe I would have caught him before he went outside. No matter, I didn't.  I just worked out in the room, completely oblivious to the fact that my dog was running free outside.

You have no idea how much I love him.  It is ripping my insides out.

Maybe someone has him.  Maybe they will call tomorrow. 

I know things happen.  I know he might be perfectly fine.  I know everyone in the family is so happy it was me who left the gate open and not them.

Please make him be alright.